This series will be a rambling collection of my thoughts. My intention isn’t to guilt or goad, but to encourage, if something doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to disregard it.
Parenting an infant is a baptism by fire. One day you have this tiny being with a stomach the size of his itty bitty fist, to feed and change and comfort all day and all night. One of the things that gave me clarity as we embarked on those early days with a baby was to think theologically about parenting, and come up with some ideas of family life that we could start to try to live out.
You are your child’s first view of God was one of the ideas I gleaned from Andrew Murray’s Raising Your Children for Christ. The one sentence I wanted to live out was “gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love.” (I still think of this daily.) I also meditated a lot on how the girls were not just my daughters, but my sisters in Christ through baptism, the least of these in God’s kingdom in many ways. Having a view of their identity in our family, and to God, helped me to filter different ideas of child rearing and care that I came across.
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and the parents of newborns know it well. I love sleeping. One of my methods for getting as much sleep as possible was keeping them full during the day. Our rhythm was eat-nap-eat-awake. Rhythms are great. A strict schedule was too much for me to handle, I don’t like everything that dictated, but having a general idea of what’s going to happen next is good for kids. Keeping them well fed also meant they were pretty flexible when we were out, and could miss a feeding. We also kept things pretty light during the day, dark at night. We used a miracle blanket for swaddling at night, also. On another practical note, I am a big fan of babywearing, slings and other carriers are great tools for getting things done and keeping babies calm and happy in the process.
But, even with all the tricks in the book, babies wake up. (They have those tiny stomachs.) Mine would sleep well for weeks, and then hit a growth spurt or start teething. Hyland’s makes a great teething tablet, but I still had to get up to pop the homeopathic tablet into the baby’s mouth for it to be effective. God had to have a purpose in the way he created babies, and my theory is that this waking and neediness and crying brings parents to their knees and forces every single one to admit, “I am not in control, I can’t will this child into doing what I want, when I want.”
If you have a baby who is extra fussy and you’ve followed all the rabbit trails of food sensitivities and reflux and what have you, take heart, I know many children who were extra fussy infants and are very compliant toddlers and preschoolers. A lot of that is physiological and they will grow out of it. That’s the beauty of infancy, it does not last forever. The days are long, but the years fly by. You will survive. Enjoy the rolls and tiny toes and delightful grins while you can.
Will have to put that book on my wishlist! I think those two theological points really shed so much light on evaluating parenting methods or books.
Co-sleeping has really helped us get more sleep. My son slept so much better near us! My daughter sleeps pretty well alone but it disrupts everyone’s sleep less when she does wake up if she is right next to mama.
Both of mine co-slept until the week they started crawling. Then they slept better alone. (Something about having other people in the bed made them unable to settle down and rest.) We always had them sleep for naps and to start out at night in a bassinet or crib so they were able to sleep alone if we needed them to, but once they woke up, they slept with us. It was a good middle ground for us.
This was an awesome post, Kristen. I’m so right there, too, with a three-mo-old.
I have her in a co-sleeper bassinet thingy about half the night and for naps and such; since our house is just so small there’s not another place for her in either of the kids’ bedrooms (yet). And since she still nurses a time or two a night, inevitably I fall asleep and wake up several hours later, her konked out beside me- “uh, what just happened?!” HA.
We haven’t found our rhythm yet – or maybe we have and I just haven’t thought about it consciously. Just doing what has to be done!
Moriah, with three bigger ones, your rhythm is probably dictated more by their schedules and needs! I have only done two close together and not a baby with bigger kids, so that’s a different animal. I will have to ask you about that when my time comes!
What a wonderful message for new parents.
This was a sweet post, Kristen. Thanks for writing and posting it here.
Great post, Kristen.
Now you are making me want another baby. :)Doesn’t seem so hard when you describe it lol.
I really loved reading this. Especially making truth your starting point, to shape and infuse all your parenting practices.