Last year’s posts:
Introduction
When to Start Solids
WBW Link
Why I Demand Feed
WBW Roundup
Last year I wasn’t planning on blogging on breastfeeding the whole week, it just happened after people showed interest!
Search This Classical Life:
categories:
in the middle of:
read in 2016:
Paterson, The Great Gilly Hopkins
Sloan, Ajax Penumbra 1969
Mandel, Station Eleven
Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty
Shakespeare, As You Like It
Bolz-Weber, Accidental Saintsarchives:
Man, honey. So far this has been rather boring. You should start next year with something like: “To Stop Breastfeeding Before Age 3 Is Unforgiveable Sin” or “Breastfeeding: Means of Grace Unto the Remission of Sins”. You know, something spicy. ;oP
“Breastfeeding: Means of Grace Unto the Remission of Sinsâ€
*LOL*
Sounds a bit like something John Calvin wrote. He was a lactivist.
I found you through the Sweetpea blog, and I just wanted to say that I liked the way you acknowledged the difficulties of breastfeeding respectfully in your recent post. When I was breastfeeding I would have found your description of how you demand feed very helpful – we let my Thomas establish his own schedule, too, but I felt like I was sort of doing it wrong for a while because I didn’t know anyone else who did it like we did. Then I got over it because it worked great for us.
I just read “why I demand feed”, and would like to share some of my experience and philosophy with parent-directed feeding with Reed (our son who is 1 week shy of 3 mos old). It’s not some strict adherance to a schedule, as if we serve the schedule. But it enables the parents to organize their family’s days in a way that allows predictability and flexibility.
By about 3-4 weeks, Mama was able to work out the breastfeeding kinks and get Reed on a pretty workable routine of feeding every 2-1/2 to 3 hrs and one feeding at night (the night timing being chosen usually by Reed). Mama’s breasts were pretty clear about what was going on, such that they filled up just prior, with the amount he was eating. Reed’s body was pretty clear, too. Our friends who suggested this said we can expect him to sleep through the night starting at 6-8 weeks; right at 7 weeks he started sleeping through consistently, and it’s REALLY nice! Now he’s getting 5 feedings a day (6 in his recent growth spurt – Mama could tell it was starting b/c he was sleeping more and his typical pre-meal disposition changed).
We can tell he’s getting enough because he’s peeing enough, and his soft spot on his head is not too indented (and he’s 16 lbs now; started off almost 10). When Mama needs to stretch the time b/w feedings, Reed’s ok with it because he knows it’s coming, rather than thinking he has to cry his head off for it. Also, since his body is used to it, it processes the milk more routinely, not letting his blood sugar drop until nearly time for the next feeding; and he doesn’t get just the watery foremilk, as can happen from a 5-minute clusterfeed.
We don’t do it “by the book;†we’ve learned that exceptions are what raising a child (or life in general?) is all about. We don’t completely ignore our baby, but he doesn’t run the show, either. I see our society, and the breast-feeding lobby, as not so much naturally schedule-driven when it comes to nurturing babies, as having become baby-centered, sometimes to the point that “babies know best,†since they aren’t yet stained by the Evil Adults of this world (more of a Hollywood-style extreme perhaps; I’m not trying to straw man you into any of this, but it is out there; you may know of similar extremes in the cause of scheduling that I would agree with you on).
Anyway, parent-directing acknowledges that the child is not the center of the family, but a welcome member of it. The parents set the tone for the family and determine how to meet its needs, instead of this fallen human just born with a completely selfish orientation (not that he consciously rebels, but all his faculties are self-focused) who hasn’t yet been taught anything. To me, Parent-Directed Feeding makes sense because of the nature of man.
Sorry for my lengthiness. I’m not trying to hijack your blog, honest! :)
Kibble,
I have addressed Babywise before, and though I respect the right of every family to do as they see fit for their family, I strongly encourage people to investigate Ezzo and his methodology.
My post is here:
http://www.thisclassicallife.com/tclarchives/2005_03_01_index.php#111211617393242231/
To be completely frank, what you are saying about foremilk and blood sugar is bad science. There is not one study that supports that idea I have ever seen, and I read very extensively about breastfeeding from all sorts of medical publications. (I compulsively research a lot of things — I have a reference librarian personality!)
Please read that post and the comments.
Also, please see Tulipgirl’s blog (linked in the second comment.) She and her husband used and taught Ezzo in the past and she is extremely well educated about him and the methodology.
Sorry I skipped a day in responding. Don’t want you to think I was blowing you off.
I was no Ezzo fanboy to begin with (that’s why I didn’t mention his book, though I did read part of it – fortunately I didn’t give him any $ for it), and given what you’ve helped me learn the last two days, I now feel even less inclined to defend him. So, thanks Kristen and TulipGirl (and Google) for the insight (especially the more fact-laden links); I was unaware of that. I now recall detecting the slightest bit of legalistic fundamentalism in just his book, which apparently is merely the tip of the iceberg. And it really pisses me off when one like him drives folks out of the Faith.
When Reed was born, reality soon set in, and it was clear that Ezzo didn’t have any answers for those who do not have a perfectly “nominal†child, as he addressed no exceptions or uncertainties. I credit my wife’s intuitive worrying in part with urging improvisation, and her mother’s discernment in teaching us to recognize his crying to see what he really needs (hot? cold? upset tummy? etc) so we could help him (instead of Ezzo’s wait ‘til he cries “too long†to check it out). But mostly, it came down to learning to trust God (I’m not done learning) and thanking him for working things out. Honestly, I don’t know how the faithless do it!
But I really don’t think that Ezzo invented the idea that some kind of routine can be beneficial. I’m no historian, but I have a feeling that in the centuries prior to “schools of thought†and formalized “child psychologyâ€, when new mothers only had mom and friends and neighbors to help them figure out childrearing, breastfeeding practices probably encompassed most of the middle 60% or so between the extremes of “Strict Ezzo†and “Feed every time he cries b/c he misses life in the womb.†The way we’ve adopted makes common sense to several of our friends, and I’m guessing that too is no new phenomenon. Also, I noticed on several of the anti-Ezzo links, there were assumptions or statements made about the effects on babies of doing Ezzo, like that it could lead to depression, or the one about how it is better for a dog because it teaches never thinking and only always following the leader, catering to the dog’s pack mentality. Yet there is also scoffing at the idea that demand feeding could lead to an overindulged child, because he’s so young, and how could he possibly be affected like that? It seems that there may be some double standard as to how an infant can or cannot be mentally and emotionally affected.
Sorry if I misunderstood you, the phrase “parent-directed feedings” is straight Ezzo.
If you re-read my demand feeding post, I spend a great deal of time talking about routine. Demand feeding is not anti-routine. I think that’s a common misconception.
As far as scheduling goes, since clocks everywhere are a fairly recent phenomenon, I figure strict schedules are pretty recent too. I think Pastor Bankson commented at one point about Mary lacking a stopwatch while nursing Jesus ;o)
Other than sharing my personal belief that we are called to serve our infants as the least of these, and to care for them as genuinely and with as much compassion as we would anyone in that category, I really didn’t talk much about the emotional affects of how families choose to deal with feeding. I think it’s a personal choice. I explained in the other post why I demand feed, scientifically and anecdotally, after someone asked me to!
I’m not making scheduling families into a strawman and I’m not throwing stones at them. So, I’m a little confused as to why you are answering me as if I am. I’ve been very clear that I respect the authority every family has to make choices for themselves. I wrote the Ezzo post in response to an unsolicited comment promoting Babywise on my blog. I am friends with several people who use (and even give away!) the book. It doesn’t limit my fellowship with them.
Honestly, I doubt very many people who are acquainted with me in real life think I am some sort of lactivist. I don’t talk about breastfeeding very much in real life, or on this blog for that matter, with the exception of World Breastfeeding Week.
I agree that rhythm and routine are very important in the life of an infant, toddler, child (adult?)
And the importance of rhythm and routine is one of the concerns I have about following Ezzo-type schedules for infants. With the eat/wake/sleep pattern, the emphasis becomes on the time of/sequence of events, rather than building routine that includes not only eating and sleeping, but all aspects of family life. While they are not focued on Christian parenting, I’ve found Montessori and Waldorf educational approaches present good ideas for incorporating routine/rhythm in children’s lives (and can be extrapolated back to infants as well, with some creativity.) And I’ve found that the more children we’ve had, the more the infants are integrated into our family patterns in a very easily, and eating and sleeping patterns develop very naturally.
I’ve also seen parental confusion in how to proceed when infants are growing and they need more feedings than they need naptimes, or their growth spurts need more nighttime nursings, but they’ve already been “sleeping through the night” and so forth. Deviations from an eat/wake/sleep pattern become very hard for the parent and infant, even when the eat/wake/sleep pattern isn’t meeting the needs of the family. This often comes up in the 4-6 and 7-9 month ranges when developmental and growth spurts require more nutrition and at the same time infants are more alert and active. That leads to the “classic” cases of milk supply issues and slowed growth in infants who are on a Babywise-like routine.
That said I agree wholeheartedly with Kristen when she says “I respect the authority every family has to make choices for themselves.”