Having two small children and a household to run is hard work, but one thing I’ve consistently observed is how much difference my approach to my children makes in how frustrated I am and how well our days go. The busy (and sometimes lazy) part of me wants to parent by remote control. I want to say something and *zap* have a small child on the other end automatically hear and comply without a wimper. In reality, between not hearing me, lack of impulse control and general childishness, the remote control parenting strategy rarely works. But I’m busy doing something else and it would be convenient if it did. Most of the time, I try the old “get off your butt” approach to parenting, and this works wonders. I strive to say things once and to follow up with being *right there*, physically assisting the girls in compliance. Is it inconvenient to get off my butt (turn away from the stove or washer or momentarily stop taking care of the other child)? Absolutely. Does it accomplish what I need with mimimal frustration to me and exasperation to my girls? Definitely. The laundry pile will always be there, but the chance to get down on the floor and help my children learn and grow is fleeting. Even though I know this, the temptation to parent by remote control reappears week after week. It’s not easy, this mothering thing.
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I sympathize as someone who is trying my hardest to raise a 3 1/2 year old nephew (not son) who tries your patience everyday. Hang in there!
Definitely a good reminder. Sometimes I just don’t “feel” like getting up or stopping what I’m doing in order to be there helping my girls obey. Especially with a baby in utero who is ready to come out early. But a few days of being “right there” makes for a happier household in addition to a stress free mom and compliant children. However old sins do tend to resurface when I’m not expecting it and I should always be on guard against the temptation to parent by remote control!
What if you’re standing directly over the child who has decided to flop down on the restaurant floor and you’re simply not strong enough to pick him up when he’s not co-operating? Arrgh!!
Well, if he’s upset, I’d start by reflecting his feelings — “You’re angry because you want to stay and play. It’s hard to leave places we like. Mommy needs your help cooperating right now.” The “I need your help” line works well in our house — not perfectly, but well. And reflecting feelings has helped Kate to identify her feelings and *sometimes* instead of throwing a fit she will say “I’m angry!” or “I’m sad!”
I am sure it is tough to parent when you have physical limitations :o(
Well, a remote control *would* be handy when I’m nursing the baby and I see almost 3 yo tipping bowl of popcorn on the floor… oh well. *grin*
Great thoughts, I needed to hear them today.
Thanks for this gentle reminder to be more “hands-on.” My remote tends to be my big mouth. We have four children, and it definitely helps when I get up and help the littlest one to comply.
we don’t have a remote control even for our tv. hehe
It’s also hard to know what he’s feeling, since Jay’s not terribly verbal yet. He’s got objects and some attributes (“hot!” “blue!”) in his working vocabulary, and he’s definitely adding words at a good pace, but I’m often at a loss to discern what he’s thinking!
Yeah… “you’re frustrated!” is my catch all when I have no idea why Kate is freaking out. I really do think it gets better when they can express their feelings and teaching them how speeds that up!