We spent the weekend in Colorado, watching a dear friend marry an amazing woman, exploring the Front Range and visiting with sweet friends. It was a weekend full of joy.
We returned to a messy, chaotic house and a million to-dos. But there were small joys, too: first swim of the summer, introducing Michael to the paleta place on Summer, a sunset so beautiful I wanted to chase it all the way to the Mississippi.
In spite of all of life’s disappointments, there is joy to be found. Sometimes we have to hunt for it, or cling to it for dear life. But there is light in the darkness. And for that, I am thankful.
Posted in family life
Breathe in me, O, Holy Spirit
that my thoughts may all be holy;
Act in me, O, Holy Spirit
that my works, too, may be holy;
Draw my heart, O, Holy Spirit
that I love but what is holy;
Strengthen me, O, Holy Spirit
to defend that which is holy;
Guard me then, O, Holy Spirit
that I always may be holy.
[Augustine of Hippo]
Stream Fort Atlantic’s debut album in it’s entirety at Paste before it goes on sale next week. It’s so good, y’all.
Posted in music
I used to work as a photographer. I always had lots of sessions to edit, so taking pictures of my kids felt like extra work. I disliked posting any pictures that I hadn’t tweaked the white balance, at minimum, if not fully edited.
With time, I’ve let go. I take pictures when I feel like it and I post them with no editing. Even if I know I COULD make them look better. I am less in practice, but still stubborn and shooting manual, so sometimes I’m just off. But I’m not striving for perfection, I’m striving for capturing moments.
I’m a mom with a camera again. Taking pictures of my goofy girls and their friends for fun. Uploading them in 20 minutes or less. And it feels good.
Posted in photo love
Today we celebrate the Ascension of our Lord! Pentecost is coming up, too. If you need ideas for how to celebrate at home, I’ve got some for you.
I am grateful for the hope and peace that Christ’s ascension brings. Our Savior rules and reigns from the right hand of the Father, advocating on our behalf. That’s good news.
Posted in church year
May is the craziest. Far too jam packed for my tastes. In the next week my kids have three field trips, one play, two class parties and require two costumes. Kate needs a Little House in the Big Woods dress (and bonnet and pinafore, if I am that awesome.) She picked out several pictures like this one to inspire me. Lexi needs a crow outfit for a play. I just started the dress today and have not even started to gather things for the crow situation. I need to remind myself next time of my complete inability to follow a pattern and how many seams I end up ripping out when I do cost-benefit analysis of whether I should make or buy all these Westminster costumes.
Of course, we have lots of events for the upper school as well. It just adds to the crazy. For example, today we had awards assembly, an in class awards ceremony, the senior art show and I made a lot of peanut butter cream pies for a bake sale. And I am teaching a class at church and Kate has girl scout events and…
Most of these things are fun, so I expect we will survive, but next year I am starting all the May costumes in February. And I will not turn down any offers of Starbucks delivered.
Posted in general
TIME Magazine’s cover package this week feeds into the antagonistic, Mommy Wars culture that has become rampant in the United States.
We live in a society dominated by metrics purported to determine merit, grades and standardized test scores, sales figures and evaluations. And somehow that mindset trickles down to parenting. Turning parenthood into a competition starts early. “How old is she? How many hours is she sleeping?” “Did you give birth naturally?” Mommy bloggers post about all the minutia of babyhood in a way that makes it seem like an accomplishment.
Dr. Sears coined the term attachment parenting, and brought some of its practices to light in mainstream American society. It makes me really sad to see his work equated with competitive parents who brag about how long they co-sleep or judge others for having their baby on a schedule.
However, the media seems obsessed with the idea that attachment parenting is about mommy martyrdom. Though there are AP moms who judge other people very harshly, that’s more about them and the culture of competitiveness in our society. If you never leave your toddler or preschooler in a nursery, with a babysitter, or even with your spouse, that’s a personal choice, not one that has been dictated by the philosophy itself.
I read The Baby Book
Motherhood is hard work. In our own human effort to build ourselves up and find meaning in our lives, we turn our choices into accomplishments, our children into gold stars that show our worth. Whether we are bragging about how many hours they slept alone in their crib or how many kids share our bedroom, we are getting it wrong every time we find our value in life that way.
We are all different, and so are our children. There is no single approach that will work for all families or personalities. That’s not to say that we ought not ever talk about our choices or seek encouragement, we all need a little help sometimes. But we need to see our own choices as doing the best we can, with what we have, where we are and give our mommy-neighbors the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the same.
Posted in in the news, parental ponderings
Most days, I ask Lexi what she did during recess. More often than not, chasing Robert is mentioned. Robert is the son of friends of ours, and in the other kindergarten class at school.
For months, I tried to figure out why Lexi chased Robert. She would say “I don’t know, it’s just what we do.” I discouraged it. Finally, she started telling me, “Mom, Robert wants me to chase him. He likes it.” “Why do you think he likes it?” “He likes it. Let’s not talk about this anymore, please!”
Just recently, we were going over to their house, and Robert’s 3-year-old brother proclaimed with glee, “Kate and Lexi are coming, and Lexi is going to chase Robert!”
Something suddenly clicked for me, and I understood. We all want to be chased, pursued, and wanted: by romantic partners, friends, God. Like a child on the playground, we are begging to be chased.
Sometimes I think we run just to see who will chase after us. It is a way we test relationships, to see if someone loves us enough to pursue us.
Robert is tall and fast. He can slow down and let Lexi catch him, or run fast enough to keep away. That level of control is pretty attractive. But even with our best illusions of dominion, there are always a few things outside of our control.
Perhaps we will stumble on a rock in the path, or our own shoelaces. Other times, like the lost sheep, we run and then we cannot find our way back home.
I remember the lost sheep I know, and pray that they would have the clarity of a small child, to see why they are running and stop in their tracks. I pray they would let themselves be found.
In the midst of it all, I am resting in the promise today that the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost. I am longing for the day when we will all hang up our running shoes for good, and live in perfect relationship with God and with each other. But I am thankful for all those who pursue others with godly love and care as we labor on this side of eternity.
Posted in theology
Last week I changed my ringtone to the Knope 2012 theme song. Not quite sure what other people think when they hear the stylings of Duke Silver. But I love television, especially Parks and Rec, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
It’s easy to take a stand for a fake candidate. It’s been very interesting to me to watch the state of North Carolina grapple with amendment one from a distance, via facebook and blogs and news reports. I have been surprised by how many friends have taken a stand and publicized their position, like my friend Kari did on her blog. That’s a lot more gutsy than my ringtone. Most of them are promoting a civil dialogue with wisdom and careful rhetoric that I wish our elected leaders would try to emulate.
Though I cannot vote, my thoughts were well summed up by John Hood, president of the conservative John Locke Foundation.
I think amending North Carolina’s constitution to forbid gay and lesbian couples from receiving any future legal recognition, including civil unions, is unwise and unfair. In my opinion the real threat to marriage is not the prospect of gay people getting hitched. It is the reality of straight people too quickly resorting to divorce, or never getting hitched in the first place.
Should I assume and say that anyone who supports the amendment, including friends and colleagues, must be a bigot? Should they assume and say that anyone who opposes the amendment must be faithless, or hostile to family values? Not if we want to live and work together in a civil society. And not if we actually want to persuade rather than to preen, persecute, or provoke. Most North Carolina voters, it seems, are likely to support the amendment. I disagree with them, but that doesn’t mean I should say they all have small minds or evil intent. Once you start down that road, you end up ranting and raving to an ever-shrinking audience characterized by uniform views and smug self-satisfaction.
Love one another, North Carolina. Be good neighbors. I’m praying for you.
Posted in in the news, politics
