February has not been great for reading and writing or for keeping up with life in general. Michael has been working day and night, seven days a week (go Mock Trial teams!) and I’ve had several migraines.
Quite frequently, the things I plan just don’t come to fruition. I am trying to learn again how to deal. My default is to withdraw, as if when I can’t do what I want, how I want to, I might as well not do anything at all.
Withdrawing leaves you in a messy house, feeling stressed out, with no accomplishments to look towards as an excuse.
I need small goals and the motivation to see them through. It sounds silly, but I’d probably do well to have a homemaking accountability partner. But “Did you scrub that toilet today?” conversations are just not that interesting so I probably would not keep up the accountability thing for very long.
It all circles back to my difficulty doing repetitive tasks, like folding and putting away laundry my children will just wear in two days starting the cycle again. Cleaning things that will just be dirty again is so much harder than any “real job” I’ve ever had. It’s wearying, and easy to get bogged down in the futility of it all.
So I sit staring at a mound of clean laundry, thankful for a gracious husband, a friend who shared dinner with us tonight and the new mercies that will come with the morning. Those mercies + the knowledge that our babysitter is coming over tomorrow might just propel me into action.
You have to read this- http://mamaunplugged.blogspot.com/2012/02/digging-out-of-pit-of-guilty-motherhood.html
And by the way, you are not alone! I struggle with the same- monotonous tasks that have no end. Everyday, the same thing……