Parenting in the Pew is part memoir and part practical theology as a pastor’s wife grapples with issues regarding children and the public worship service. For individuals and churches who are questioning participating in children’s ministry programs through elementary school, Parenting in the Pew will provide food for thought and conviction that it is good, right and worthwhile for children to worship with their parents.
For those who already worship as a family or have minimal children’s programming, Parenting in the Pew provides encouragement and helpful reminders that the point of having children in worship is to worship, and not to have them sit perfectly still so everyone knows you are the best parent in the room. That can be very important to hear.
Castleman believes that children can be expected to sit through the whole worship service at about age four and everything but the sermon by about two and a half. She does not advocate having children color or look at other books during the worship service. So, if you are looking for practical advice on how to keep your toddler quiet and busy, this book will not meet that need!
I’m glad this book was written and I think it’s helpful for the church as a whole. It may or may not be a must-read for your family. I enjoyed her personal style, but she delved into personal beliefs I don’t share at a few points, so I would not commend all of her theology. I don’t think it was a waste of my time, but I admit, I was looking for toddler tips! (7, acquired from paperbackswap and already passed on)
Kristen, I’m reading “Hidden Art” by Edith Schaeffer right now. She has a chapter on sketching; in which she “interprets” her husband’s sermons for her grandchildren with drawing and sentences recapping the main thoughts. There are eight pages of examples from real life.
When asked about the book, one of the granddaughters replied that Noni translates the sermons for us. Edith drew the pictures, but also whispered to the girls.
Thanks for the tip. I was just asking about this on our blog. I just ordered the book off PBS.
How timely. We like to keep our children with us during worship, but it’s difficult when the nursery calls out to them with flashy toys and sugary treats. Maya does really well with a combo of singing and playing quietly; she’s been sitting through church since for quite some time. Elly’s too wiggly.
Does anyone know of any articles/books written on family worship and keeping children in church? I’d love to read others thoughts. It’s so hard to find a church where the presence of worshippers of all ages is not just permitted, but enjoyed. We visited a church that actually had signs outside the sanctuary asking parents not to bring any babies under six months in! I was appalled, and very sad.
I ordered this book off Paperback Swap today as well. We are still a year plus a few months out from dealing with this issue with Coleman, but it is one I have been wrestling with since we joined our church as our kids are expected to sit through the service at 4. My feeling (as of now) is that the kids and parents are both getting shortchanged because young kids are unable to understand the sermon at 4 (my mom didn’t get it at her age with all the seminary words) and it is a distraction for parents. The only time of the week that I can sit and focus is often during church time, and since Shane leads worship I will be the one responsible for his behavior. But, I am open to ideas and I understand the premise behind the family worship idea.
Sounds great, Kristen! Thanks for the review! I’m a big “translator” of the sermons for Stephen as well…and he really likes the liturgical atmosphere, and has been fixated on the candles since he was an infant. Now he loves to point out the “cross!!” and “John Ayyen” (our pastor). Always a work in progress, and for being as tasmanian-devil-ish with energy and movement as he is, he is very well behaved in worship – it’s something we’ve been on top of him with like white on rice – instruction, obedience…disobedience, discipline. We’ve seen its fruits. And we’ve seen the lack of fruits in our considerably more lax and inconsistent approach with Lexie.
I read this book sometime ago. At that time, (prior to my oldest turning 4) I thought…children’s church who needs it. Well, my 6 and 4 year old do. They join us for the beginning of church and then are dismissed just before the offering. Sometimes I wish that they stayed for the offering just so that they can experience that act of worship. Our Church administers baptism and new members join prior to the offertory, so they do get to participate in that part of the service.
Our children’s director does an excellent job of relating the pastor’s sermon to the children in their own lesson time. Our fourth and fifth graders then lead small groups and ask questions about the lesson to the little ones. The covenant family in action is a beautiful thing.
On a side note-we expect our boys to participate…if we are standing and singing they do likewise. We are teaching them the Lord’s Prayer and Apostles Creed, too. They do behave better when they are actively participating. Also, we sit close to the front so that they can see what is going on.
I think that you start teaching the truths of scripture in the infant room and carries through to Adulthood. You can’t wait until a child is in youth group and expect them to get anything out of chuch. My parents church does not have a single child in worship and they make a pt of telling you that they provide a service for children ages nursery and up…because children can be distraction to other worshippers. I think that is the wrong extreme…children need to see and model their parents worshipping. Church should never ever be boring!
Hi! I’m a longtime lurker, and found your website through Rebecca Tredway’s blog. I was particularly enthused to read this most recent post because Dr. Castleman is one of my college advisors, and my favorite professor. We read this book as a part of Castleman’s theology seminar class last semester, and so it was interesting to see how she answered our questions to what she wrote in her book.
I really enjoyed your review, and must admit that I had problems believing a very small child would readily keep quiet all the way through a church service–and I don’t even have children to convince me of that every Sunday!
I grew up in a church that did NOT encourage children to be in the church service, so I would suggest this book as a “must read” for families who would benefit from such an approach that encourages family worship. I know very small children can be a distraction when they make noises or cry in the middle of a church service, but I suppose I waver between thinking that is a part of worshipping in community, or, my gosh, someone take that poor child out of the sanctuary already. I know that first part will come back to haunt me should I ever have children, and I’ll probably start defining “community” as “the nursery.”
Welcome, lurkers :o)
To me, the most important thing is that children not be universally excluded from worship, no matter what age!
I agree! It is very sad to think that some churches are not child friendly.
I just heard Sue Jakes speak on adding sizzle to your Sunday School class and she said (Paraphrased)
That if a child is bored with (SS, church, etc) the problem is not with the child but basically with the church. We are talking about King Jesus and he is never boring.
“Out of the mouth of babes and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. ” Psalm 8:2 -It’s not a liscense to let your child be disruptive but it is comforting to know that even when the newborn babes cry out they are at work for the Kingdom. :)
I’m relieved Jay’s still under the age limit, because there is just no way he could sit through even the beginning of the service. I am intrigued by Brad B’s comment, and wonder what sort of discipline he uses and how old the kids are. We’re really starting to have terrible twos troubles, but it’s hard to come up with a discipline structure I really feel good about. There are times I can’t physically force Jay to do what he’s been told to do, but he needs to learn obedience somehow!
These are all interesting comments. I’m a little late to the discussion, since we are finally moved in and have our DSL hooked up.
I was looking forward to your review, Kristen, because I just recently read this book too. I loved Castleman’s book “True Love in a World of False Hope” and had high hopes for this one. I, too, had some disagreements with her theology, but overall, I felt that it really reminded me that worship is not all about me. It is mostly my and my husband’s job to pass on the joy of worship to our children. Children’s worship can help, but it can also hinder children enjoying worshipping in the “regular” church service later on. So many times we just think of worship as what we get out of the service, and that’s a wrong attitude–one I have often had. I also think it helped me by reminding me to try and prepare for worship all week, and esp. on Sat. night, and to get there on time on Sunday morning.
“Hidden Art” does have some good suggestions in the sketching area, as Carol in Oregon said. And “Treasuring God in our Traditions” by Noel Piper has a section on helping children to worship in church that first made me think about doing so.