“my hope like autumn is turning brown”

Tomorrow is my long awaited appointment with the rheumatologist. I’m not sure how to feel. Chronic pain and constant fatigue has done a number on me this fall, on our whole family. I can’t remember what it’s like to wake up feeling good. We haven’t had anyone over since August. The house is a mess. The girls watch more television than ever before. But this seems so normal now. In this fallen world, with its troubles and pains, mine seem somewhat insignificant. It’s hard to even hope that things could change. I remember Abraham, and his hope against hope. I pray those three words I seem to pray more often than any others. “Help my unbelief.” And I try to remember that God cares for me.

6 responses to ““my hope like autumn is turning brown”

  1. The babies and I will pray for you!

  2. Praying for you!

  3. I think about you all the time… I’m praying that you have a good dr’s visit. I’m optimistic for you!

  4. do you have chris miner’s cd “all good things come from the desert”?

    it is one of my favorite cds (coincidentally, it is also one of brooke’s least favorite cds). reading this post, and other posts you’ve written, makes me think you would enjoy listening to it.

    if you don’t have it already, I’ll give you a copy.

  5. Thank you for the prayers and optimism.

    I don’t have that one, BTM. (I used to have a copy of _calm of paradise_ but it must have walked off…) Thanks.

  6. I understand. I could have written this post, except with “depression, anxiety and infertility” where you have “chronic pain and constant fatigue.” It really does start to feel normal, which is kind of scary. It’s hard to struggle against something(s) that often feels so vague. You come to mind often and I pray for you.

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