I just thought through all the things I must do tomorrow, and I am exhausted. And that doesn’t include the things ought to do. For example, several good local consignment sales are held tomorrow, and even though Kate needs spring play clothes, there is no way I can make it to any of them.
I am weary of the pace of life, I want to stop. Listen, read, drink a cup of tea, sing more with my girls. But there is no end in sight. I have small glimpses of rest, moments of peace and enjoyment, but they are fleeting.
My busyness is the busyness of this age, but it makes me wonder about my old world ancestors. Did they have time to rest or did they feel oppressed by the tasks of everyday? Did they find contentment amidst their busyness? Might I find rest in mine?
If they didn’t have lightbulbs, that probably made a huge difference. Electric light keeps us working longer at hours when we probably should be sleeping. (And no, candles and firelight don’t provide the same kind of atmosphere for working.)
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Our lives run us ragged. As a single gal, I never slow down … throw two children, a husband, law school, selling a house, and finding a new place to live into the mix and you’ve got complete and total insanity.
It’s to the point now with me that when I do have free time I have to find something to fill it up … rest is almost impossible and I feel guilty for it. That’s sad.
I have been wrestling with this lately, and I feel like I’m *starting* to get somewhere in tiny steps. Very tiny. I have already filled my weekend with plans, but those plans are full of spending time with people that I care about. And while I also have to be protective of my alone time, those one-on-one moments are so worthwhile.
The next several weeks of my calendar have two words boldly written across the top: CREATE SPACE.
Right now my life is pretty restful and quiet. A trip to the grocery store is a major disruption to the day.
I kind of tremble when I think of the pace of normal modern life. I prefer to be naively optimistic to say ‘oh, I’ll keep out of it’ (yeah right).