If you are an expecting mother, or ever expect to be a mother, there is one key factor I have observed for a successful, natural childbirth: having a woman who has been there with you. You can (and should) read the books, take a class and think of coping strategies. But I have seen that having a trusted friend, your mom, or even a professional attendant (doula) with you is unparalleled. That woman can look you in the eyes and talk you through labor in a way no one else can. I was listening to a friend’s account of being present for another friend’s birth (a VBAC) and I was so excited for the both of them to have shared that experience, together. When I was preparing for Kate’s birth, I thought I wanted an intimate delivery room, with just the medical personnel and Michael. I was lucky to have a great nurse and a friend who came when I called from the hospital and asked her to, though I ended up with an epidural, I remember how soothing and comforting their presence was to me. With Lexi, I had the midwife (who has 10 kids, most of whom were born at home, including twins) and my mother to talk me through things. I am glad Michael was there as well (they are his children!) but there’s something about having someone who has done it there with you to say, “You can do this, too.” I’d be glad to be there for anyone who asked, if I was logistically able, and I think most women who have had a natural childbirth feel the same way. Don’t be afraid to ask!
I’ve been thinking about some situations where women need women, I will probably write a few more posts on this.
I couldn’t agree more Kristen, having my mom there for the birth of my daughter was absolutely necessary, and I’d be honored to do that for someone else. I, too, thought I wanted “just me and my husband”, how glad I was that our Bradley instructor suggested a helper for the coach (coach being Andy, my husband) and we asked my Mom!
thanks for the heads-up!
My mom was indispensable to me during Jubilee’s birth. Interestingly, although she was also present for Thomas’s birth, that time it was just Jake and me for pretty much the whole labor.
I too was blessed by special women at Henry’s birth. Being on bedrest in the hospital for 3 months enabled me to REALLY get to know my OB and also the woman who would be my labor and delivery nurse. It may not sound as “natural” as some may want, but it was certainly God’s hand in giving me time with those women for 12 weeks beforehand. And I’d planned to go without an epidural, but my nurse, who also is a hippie dippie yoga instructor, masseause, lamaze instructor and card carrying La Leche type, encouraged me by saying, “Elizabeth, your body is too weak even to sit up. How are you going to push out a baby in pain?” And when my body just refused to make milk, my OB lovingly eased my guilt about that as well. She reminded me that pumping every three hours for 1 oz in a 24 hour period was not worth the torture I was going through, and that above all else, Henry needed a healthy mom. So I think sometimes, women need one another not only as coaches and encouragers, but as grace-givers as well.
But I still think you’re crazy if you think I should have my mom in the room. What if I wanted to cuss? :)
Elizabeth, I think you are right about the grace-giving, and that not everyone’s woman should be their mom! I think it needs to be someone you are most comfortable with, and for some people that is a parent, for others, a friend, and for still others, a professional who they won’t have to have in their daily life!
And I’d be glad to be there for my friends who want an epidural. :) We could hang out & talk about the precious baby who’s on his or her way to this crazy world. And we could watch football (like I did when I was in labor with R) And I could go track down the husband so he wouldn’t miss the birth (like I needed someone to do when I was in labor with B.)
Great series idea!
My hubby can’t talk about cute shoes in the same way my friends can. :)
We hired a doula for our second two births. At Margaret’s birth we had a “midwifey” midwife and a midwife apprentice. The apprentice really acted like a doula in that situation. Unfortunately, both midwives left the practice soon after and I switched to a practice with “doctory” midwives (Jason is opposed to us doing homebirths … OK for anyone else! [grin]). I’m not a fight with authority person and I wanted someone there, so we hired the doula. She was great!!!! She kept me from having a C-Section with Nate and kept me moving and progressing even when hooked up to the pitocin for both Nate and Bekah. Jason was wonderful, too, of course, but I really loved having Kim there.
Even though in some circles it may seem normal, natural childbirth is fairly rare in most hospitals and not valued by ob/gyns as a whole. Most people who say they want a natural childbirth don’t have one in the end. I didn’t mean to disparage anyone who chooses an epidural or a c-section. Motherhood is about choices and decision making. I think we should do what seems best for our families and move forward, without guilt.
I definitely didn’t think you were disparaging anyone. Thanks for posting about this.
Kristen,
Being there for you when Lexi was born was one of the highlights of my life. I thank God every day that I am so blessed to be your mom and Lexi and Kate’s nana. I love you more than I could ever put into words. Thank you for sharing Lexi’s birth with me. I will cherish it forever.
Not anywhere close to having kids (kind of need a husband first), but if God grants that to me I would love to be surrounded by other women while I’m giving birth–especially my mom, who was never pregnant, but went through the adoption process twice (which is about as hard, if not more so, I’m guessing).
I agree: childbirth is one of those women need women events. With my first birth I didn’t know that – and wanted it to be just myself and my husband (and the midwife and the labor nurse – who was an angel!). With my second and third births I invited special women to be a part of the delivery. I really think it made a difference to the atmosphere of the birth. I loved that my husband got to be my husband and best friend, but didn’t have to coach me through or be “girly” about anything with me.
Anyhow.
Looking forward to other women need women topics. Such as mothering? And breastfeeding?
Oooh, they are coming ;) When I have more time to THINK.